Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Tree climbing

                                                        Tree climbing 



I think I am going to die. I glance up at the tree, gasp and shuffle back. I cannot do this. I am 
scared. I cannot do this.

But I am next in line. That's when I begin to start climbing .I am shaking with nervous energy.
I think  ‘I can do this’ but I really just want to go down now.

I look down and I see I am so far up. I cling to the blocks because I feel like I am going to fall. I have nerves creeping up my spine. I want to go higher, but I want to come down as well.

I climb higher. My face is chalky white. I stop. I reach out to the last block. I am scared that I am going to miss it and fall. I am pretty sure the boys aren't looking and they are going to let go of the rope and I will fall straight down. Then I will flop down on the stones, and that would hurt.

“I want to come down now,” I call out, so they pull me down slowly. When I tumble onto the tiny stones, I feel so relieved that I did it. I want to do it again! Millie and I were the only people that made it to the top.







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In this writing I was trying to show the emotion, use punctuation and 
Chunk my ideas into paragraphs to improve my writing.

I did well because I used emotional words like” My face is chalky white” in my story because it showed I was nervous. When I read it it was making sense..

My next step is to make more and more punctuation.

3 comments:

  1. Great writing Lily! I love how you make me feel like I am there with you. xx

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  2. Nice piece of work I love how you use the interesting words Like I'm next in line I'm shaking with nervous instead of the boring ones, from hayden :)

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  3. i love the way you told me how scared you were it gave me chills i could really see how you felt and it built a picture in my mind keep it up

    ReplyDelete